Having It All

I am beginning to wonder if women haven't been sold a pig in a poke.  I grew up with the motto that women could Have It All surrounded by some really strong female (and male) role models who certainly seemed to be kicking life's ass.

My mother had the 8 of us.  I know EIGHT.  What the hell was she thinking?  She used to say she would get a little bit baby-crazy when each one hit about the 18 month old mark.  Been there.  Done that but I knocked it on the head after 2 because EIGHT children woman!!!  My youngest is now 9 and when I am around an 18 month old toddler my ovaries begin to scream obscenities at me.  In her defence birth control was not freely available in the Ireland that she lived in and she did her best.

She had her own hairdressing business from the age of 19 and loved to regale us with tales of her waters breaking as she was combing out a customers perm.  That was the standard of dedication to one's livelihood with which I was raised.  Love what you do, do little else.

The bar for Having It All has been raised considerably since I was a kid.  Back then it was just managing to hold down a business or job and have a husband and kids.  The standard of life for said husband or kids wasn't a matter of concern nor was it something to be on display.

Now we have competitive womanhood.  It's like the womanhood Olympics on Instagram.  The job and kids are no longer enough.  The poor husband must have designer stubble or a man bun. The woman herself must be pristine, groomed to within an inch of her life and colour co-ordinated with her eco-friendly house and children.  The pressure for women to conform to it all is intense.  I've met young mothers with 6 week old babies who are just luminously made up at an ungodly early hour of the morning with their inch long stiletto bejewelled nails and all I could think is "how the hell do you clean a baby's shitty ass with those?".  It's all so fucking bland. And it's impossible, for me at least.  I have zero interest in spending my dwindling mental resources on achieving a balance between my work and home life.  Work is a means to an end for me right now.  The average job advert really cracks me up these days .  "Do you want to work in a high pressure environment with a micromanaging boss who consistently sets unachievable targets so that you never quite feel like your crushing it"?  Ah, no thanks. That'll be a hard pass from me.

I clearly missed the classes on these topics in my non existent finishing school experience.

Here is what I propose as the definition of having it all.

Instead of having to tick boxes drawn by some flawless creature who wants to make money online by just being flawless how about Having It All being doing whatever puts food on your table or pays the rent or mortgage on where ever you want to live and or gives your life a sense of purpose or meaning outside of that. No pressure to live or look or think or behave a certain way.  No pearl clutching at other women's choices.

Except vaccinating your crotch fruit. You need to do that. Anything else is really stupid.